


Thinking out Loud

by Eowyn (eowynsmusings)



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Fix-It, M/M, Post BotFA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-05 19:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5388248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eowynsmusings/pseuds/Eowyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Battle of the Five Armies, things have taken a surprising turn for Bilbo and the hobbit had about enough of all the daft dwarves of Durin's Line.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thinking out Loud

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mandysimo13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandysimo13/gifts).



> Very loosely based on Ed Sheeran's song _Thinking out Loud_.  
>    
>  **Disclaimer:** All Tolkien Legendarium characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. No profit is being made, no copyright infringement is intended.  
>    
>  **Beta:** Beta'ed by Undomiel_48 as per usual.

The sky was grey and heavy with clouds that promised the first real snowfall of the winter. In the Shire, the hobbits would be getting ready for the Yule Festival, and a large fir tree would already be up in the centre of Hobbiton, decorated with apples and wooden ornaments. In the Kingdoms of Erebor and Dale however, it was hard to kindle any merrimaking or cheer. The battle had been won, yes. But at a great cost to all involved. Well, especially the orcs and goblins, but that was beside the point. Thankfully, the death toll amongst the dwarves, elves and men had not been as high as initially estimated, but that, too, was very much not the point. The point was, well...  
  
Bilbo had been more than certain that with Thorin, Fíli and Kíli still fighting for their lives, it would fall to Dáin to lead the dwarves. Or at least Balin. But no. Thorin, it seemed, could still decide the hobbit’s fate even from his death … sickbed. Bilbo wanted to slap himself for allowing those dark thoughts into his mind again. Thorin would be fine, and that was that.  
  
How surprised had he been when Ori had exclaimed that the king was still breathing, and how foolish he had felt for not checking himself. He had cried his eyes out over losing his … _friend_ , when he hadn’t lost him at all. Gandalf had been called at once, and all members of the Company had hoped for a miracle similar to the one on top of the Carrock. But no. This time the wizard had not simply brushed his hand across Thorin’s face and the dwarf woke. The blade hadn’t killed the king, but the wound was severe and, worse yet, it had been poisoned. And so the king had been carried back to the Mountain, by Beorn of all people. But Óin had been at wits’ end, and so Bilbo had gone off to search for the Elven King, and hadn’t taken ‘no’ for an answer. He would have dragged Thranduil to the dwarven king’s sickbed if need be, but luckily the hobbit was _persuasive_ enough without stooping so low.  
  
It had been when Thorin had been declared stable, that the Company received more shocking news. Kíli was hurt, but would survive after the elf maiden, Tauriel, had done … something. No one was really sure what, but clearly it had been some elven magic, and while the dwarves of the Company were elated, they were also wary to say the least. And then Beorn brought back the body of Fíli… Not the corpse, the _living_ body. Somehow the prince had survived Azog’s blade, though was also suffering from the same poison as his uncle. But that was not the worst of it. The drop from the high tower had shattered the dwarf’s back, and… Óin’s face said it all. Even after Thranduil had once again been _convinced_ to assist.  
  
Bilbo had to tear himself from Thorin’s side to do the only thing he could think of. Send word to Lord Elrond. And then, upon his return to the king’s bedside, Balin had delivered the final blow that truly shattered him. Apparently, Thorin and Dáin had had time to have a little chat on the battlefield, and Thorin had informed his cousin of Bilbo’s part in their quest, and, more importantly, his part in Thorin’s life. It seemed that the dwarf king had told Dáin about the Arkenstone, insuring that no blame could be placed on the hobbit. And somehow all that meant that as the king’s intended, it would fall to _him_ to rule Erebor. To a hobbit. He had fainted then and there.  
  
That had been three weeks ago. Now Erebor was more habitable than it had been since the dragon had come, thanks to the help of not only the dwarves of the Iron Hills, but also the men of Esgaroth, or Dale as it were, and Thranduil’s elves. Thorin would kill him for sure once he woke, but Bilbo had decided to hand over the White Gems of Lasgalen to the elven king, which had changed Thranduil’s demeanor … somewhat. Well, that and whatever was going on between the Mirkwood King and Bard. Bilbo didn’t want to know. He had enough problems already. He had run his parents’ estate, it was true, but that had not prepared him at all for the running of a whole bloody kingdom! Of pigheaded dwarves! The arguments he’d had with Balin ... Balin of all people, over his ideas of trading with with the elves…  
  
It was why he had run off and was now standing on the battlements, in the very spot where Thorin had pressed him against the cold stone. He frowned, his hand going to his neck. He had been so afraid … _for_ the dwarf. His dwarf. He had broken Thorin’s heart, he had known it, and everything that had followed had been posturing in front of Thranduil and Bard, and nothing else. The hobbit was sure of it, even though Gandalf and most dwarves of the Company couldn’t, or wouldn’t, see things his way. He knew the king and he knew his own heart, thank you very much.  
  
A lone snowflake landed on his nose, and he giggled even as he heard footsteps drawing closer from within the Mountain. Could Balin not even give him a moment’s peace? So he had stormed out of the library in a Tookish rage, but that didn’t mean the old dwarf had to go and hunt him down straight away. It would do no good at all. But when the hobbit turned around to glower at the newcomer, he stopped in his tracks.  
  
And then he all but shouted, even though he knew that it was probably the worst thing he could do. “What do you think you’re doing here?! You only just woke and I know Óin told you to stay put until such time as both he _and_ Lord Elrond say you are allowed out of bed!” Thorin looked like death warmed over, and despite waking a few days prior, he was still not out of the woods. But clearly the dwarf was not going to listen to anyone and still did as he bloody well pleased. But given the mood Bilbo was already in, he wasn’t going to take kindly to the dwarf’s shenanigans.  
  
That was, until Thorin opened his mouth to speak, and the hobbit nearly cried with joy at hearing the dwarf’s voice again. “I … I came to thank you, Bilbo. I hear that you have barely left Óin’s realm until the moment I woke and since then…” He swallowed, leaning heavily on his cane. It was as if he only now realised where they were, and he very nearly would have fallen if it had not been for Bilbo’s quick reaction. He steadied the king and somehow they ended up in the very spot the hobbit had been standing in before. The very spot where… “I am sorry, Bilbo. I should not have come. Not here. Not where…”  
  
“Poppycock! You shouldn’t have come, period. What were you thinking? Do you want to relapse? I don’t know about you, but I’d rather you get well as soon as possible so I can go back to _not_ being in charge. So I can think about…”  
  
“What you wish to do after, yes.” Thorin nodded, and the hobbit couldn’t for the life of him figure out what was wrong now for the dwarf’s expression changed from pained to … agony. Not physical, but… “I shall return to bed then, so I can see your wish come true as soon as possible. But allow me to thank you. Once more I find myself in your debt, for it is thanks to you that my heir lives still. Without Elrond’s aid, I have been told he would probably not have made it.” Bilbo blinked, but before he could say anything, or do anything for that matter, Thorin stumbled away, leaving the hobbit feeling rather confused and heartsick.  
  
It took a few days for it to dawn on him what Thorin had been speaking of, and how the dwarf had clearly misconstrued the hobbit’s words. It had been Dwalin asking him why he wasn’t going to at least give Thorin a chance to make amends that had clued him in, and he vowed that he and the dwarven king would have words, many words, in regards to this. He had of course reassured Dwalin that whatever Thorin was spouting was not true and simply the result of a misunderstanding between the two of them. He went so far as to say he would have to be dragged from the Mountain kicking and screaming and wouldn’t even think of leaving of his own volition. He had given his word to Thorin, and even though the dwarf had cut his braid from his hair, he would fight for what they had shared before the gold had become everything to the king.  
  
More weeks passed, with all three sons of Durin making remarkable strides towards their recovery. Soon Thorin would be able to deal with the demands of his idiot advisors himself again … and not a moment too soon, for Bilbo had just left Dáin after a big blowup. This time though, he could not even blame his anger on his Tookish blood. Dáin had simply been acting … beyond daft. Apparently, he and Thorin had spoken about what was to be done in order to begin a reconciliation, and they both had come up with this ludicrous plan which would see Bilbo name his conditions and some such nonsense. When the hobbit had stared at the red-haired dwarf rather incredulously, he had been informed that he had been wronged and that in order to at least regain the hobbit’s friendship, Thorin would have to…  
  
That was when Bilbo had told Dáin where he and his cousin could stick their glorious ideas and had stormed off. To the battlements again where he could watch the snows fall to cover the world with a thick white blanket. The next day would be the winter solstice, Yule to the hobbit, and thanks to Bofur, Bombur and Ori, Bilbo now had a small fir tree in the rooms he had been given, and there would be roast duck for dinner. At least that was something to look forward to.  
  
Pulling his fur coat tighter, he once again startled at the sound of footsteps. Though this time it came as no great surprise when he saw Thorin round a last pillar and step out onto the battlements as well. He still used his cane, but looked much better than he had the first time they had met here. Only that this time it was the dwarf who looked thunderous, and Bilbo took a step backwards before he could stop himself. Which made Thorin pause as the hobbit had feared it would.  
  
“You do not have to shy away from me. Not anymore. I came because… Dáin told me what you said to him and I … you cannot be serious. You can’t mean what you... “ The king briefly closed his eyes and sighed as he opened them once more. “You don’t have to hide what truly happened between us, for I can see your face still before me, eyes filled with tears and afraid for your life as you clutched my hand and…”  
  
“You think I was being kind?!” It was official. The dwarves of Durin’s line had lost their mind. Those that were able to stand, at least. “You and I need to talk, and maybe it’s just as well that we are here. You seem to be under some sort of delusion and clearly think that I am afraid of being here, with you. I’m not.” Something broke within Bilbo then, and all the thoughts and feelings he had bottled up since before the battle suddenly burst free. “I thought I’d lost you! I thought … I thought it was all over, and not just once. First it was the gold and that bloody stone, but then I saw a glimpse of you when you cornered me with the acorn, and you kissed me and touched my braid so gently… I thought I had just gotten you back, and then Dwalin came and… And then here, on the battlements, when you found out that I’d taken the Arkenstone. You were heartbroken, Thorin! And yes, you said you wanted me gone, and tried to … I don’t even know what you tried. You could have had me over the wall in no time, but you were simply pressing me down on the stone here and…”  
  
He turned around to touch the stone in question. Because it was easier to stare at the lifeless rock and not Thorin. “You didn’t do that because of what I’d done. You did it because you realised what I’d done in front of your enemies. The heartbreak was real. The anger … not so much. At least not to the point where you would have wanted me dead. You think I was afraid of you, don’t you? Everyone thinks that. But I wasn’t! I was afraid _for_ you. I was afraid that the dwarf I love would be utterly destroyed by what you were doing in your rage, and I didn’t know what to do. It’s the only thing I can say in regards to taking the stone as well. It’s a feeble excuse, but here it is. I didn’t know what else to do. You wouldn’t listen, and I…”  
  
Swallowing, the hobbit gathered all of his bravery and turned again, but still would not look up at the dwarf before him. Thorin’s boots were … far too interesting. “And then on the battlefield … I thought it was all over, and I didn’t know how to go on. I don’t think … I don’t think I could. Not without you. Not without knowing that you are alive and well. I think my heart couldn’t bear it. I just … Thorin, you think you need to make amends when the opposite is true. I stole the one thing you desired the most. I tried to avert a war, but still very nearly lost everything. I would understand it if you wanted me gone from your sight, but I need to tell you this.”  
  
He braced himself and lifted his head. Only to find Thorin gazing at him, expression one of disbelief. “I don’t know how or when, but when I fell in love with you, I never thought it would or could amount to anything. And then it did. You made me the happiest hobbit in the world and I know that I will love you until my dying day and beyond. You will always be the only one who could touch my heart, who could make me smile like a besotted tween. And every night I find myself dreaming of you holding me again, of you … kissing me the way you did at Beorn’s house and…”  
  
And suddenly Thorin wasn’t standing a few meters away from him anymore. The dwarf was kneeling before him, Bilbo’s hands clutched in the king’s. There were tears in Thorin’s eyes as he gazed up at the hobbit, and his voice was but a whisper, “It is not that you nearly came to harm at my hands, Bilbo. Not only at least. I did something in my rage that is unforgivable. I gave you something in Lake-town, I wove it into your hair, and then I took it away again by force. Cutting your braid … it is the ultimate betrayal. I should be shunned by all, but they look to you for guidance. Did you know that Dáin initially said he would rather you stay in charge than me taking the throne once more? Even though you took the Arkenstone … they trust you more than me. And they are right in doing so. For I can barely trust myself…”  
  
Thorin turned his face then, his eyes squeezed shut tightly, tears running down his cheeks. And Bilbo had enough. He really did. If this was the true reason for Thorin’s actions then it was the most ridiculous reason ever. His hair would grow back after all, and the dwarf had had reason to do as he did. Oh, but it was making the hobbit want to tear out his own hair! “Look at me, Thorin,” he commanded, surprised at how powerful his voice was. The dwarven king was as well, given how quickly those blue eyes found Bilbo’s again. “I took something you held dear, and you took my braid. But you didn’t take back the words of love you had spoken before, and I could see it the whole time in your eyes. You were so hurt, so very hurt and I … I had done…”  
  
He had to shake his head to clear it somewhat before he was able to continue, “I don’t care about what happened. All I care about is that you will be well again, and Fíli and Kíli as well. And yes, I want you to get back on your feet so you can take care of the Mountain again, because, honestly, it’s a tiring job. And I’m a hobbit. A gentlehobbit. I don’t work. Not … not really. It’s all a bit much for me on my own, is all. But that doesn’t mean I want to say my goodbyes. Quite the opposite. I want to stay. I want to stay if that is also what you would want. Don’t think of what Dáin said or what you think you should do. What do _you_ want to do? And what would you have me do if you could decide?”  
  
It took a moment for the dwarf to pull himself together, but when he did, he stood again and for a while simply gazed out at the snow covered ruins before him. Ruins that would soon be a bustling town again. “No one ever asked me what I want. No one but you. And I never thought I could have anything I wanted either, but once again you proved me wrong.” He turned then, his eyes clear and filled with something like … hope. “What I want now is to … to make amends. Not just to you, but the rest of the Company as well. I would place the braid back in your hair and ask you again to stay with me, now knowing that we could have the future I did not dare hope for before. _That_ is what I want. And I want you to stay here, in Erebor, with me. I want you by my side as you have been on our journey. I want you to guide me when I falter and to not give up even when I do…”  
  
“Then why didn’t you just say so, you big oaf?” Bilbo was already launching himself at the dwarf, and they very nearly tumbled and ended up in quite a similar position than they had been that fateful day on the wall. But this time Thorin was cradling the hobbit’s head in his big hands, and when their lips finally met, Bilbo cried with joy. Never again would either of them be able to think of the day of the battle when they stood upon the battlements, no. They would think of this day and the snows that fell around them. At the back of his mind, a voice that sounded very much like his mother whispered, “Happy Yule to you.” And Bilbo smiled and stroked his beloved’s bearded face. He had been granted his greatest Yule wish, and all he had to do was think out loud.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr... [Eowyn's Musings](http://eowynsmusings.tumblr.com/). I know, the name's a big surprise :P


End file.
